This is a Test

And no sooner did I write that last post, in a matter of hours old feeling came right back. Two steps forward one step back. Time to get up and try again.

There is a Sovereign plan to Monica's death, I believe that. It was her suffering that has left lasting memories and questions. The end wasn't pretty.

"Comfort is not given to us when we are lighthearted and cheerful. We must travel the depths of emotion in order to experience comfort - one of God's most precious gifts. And then we must be prepared to become coworkers with Him." - L.B. Cowman

The Aftermath and Moving on...

Grief is a crazy emotion... I hate it. Grief has the capacity of just sucking you in like the undertow of a riptide. Even for someone who lives or at least fights to live in hope, it was dragging me down. It was keeping me from discovering the good things, new friendships. It can sabotage old relationships. Grief is OK for a short time... it's good to acknowledge loss but it can keep you in the past. Memories are good especially when there are so many good memories to choose from, so many firsts for me as a newcomer to America are entwined with my friendship with Monica. But it is time to make new memories before the window of opportunity goes away. The wonderful thing is God allows for second, third chances if we are a little slow on the uptake.

My faith is what holds me together and gives me confidence in knowing that I will see Monica again. Although her death leaves me with so many questions... I KNOW that she is free, has risen into a new and glorious body and has been reunited with her loved ones. Because of our faith I will see Monica again. Death is so hard on the living but our hope... my hope is in what has already been done for us through Jesus Christ.